Blog, FAQ, Wishlist


Regarding Discretion Dear Gentlemen, Your safety and privacy matters, just as much as much as mine does. In order to partake in our dalliance, certain precautions must be exercised in order to avoid unnecessary/undesirable attention from those who may judge or consider reporting us. 1) If there is an obvious gap in our age or appearance, please refrain from groping my buttocks and/or playing tongue hockey in public spaces where children or families are present. 2) It is absolutely unnecessary to divulge private information to waiters, Uber drivers, or other strangers while engaging in small talk. Do not announce you're from another state or country and I'm local then proceed to use terms of endearment. People can read between the lines. 3) Please do not provide security guards or hotel front desk with envelopes or notes using my very-Googleable stage name. 4) Housekeeping staff in most hotels are trained to spot and report obvious illegal activity. Kindly refrain from any behavior that calls attention to the nature of our meeting. 5) Hold off on the dirty talk or smalltalk while others are in the elevator. It's hard to pass as a couple when you ask things like "So, do you come to this hotel often?" *facepalm* 6) Understand we lead full lives outside of our arrangements and most providers would like to move on someday. Please do not abuse your knowledge of our identities, occupations, family, social media, or other personal information in an attempt to control us when we are no longer compatible with you. I make a concerted effort to protect your privacy and freedom. Please, don't compromise mine. 💋

Tips are never ever expected. However, if making me squeal with glee rocks your boat, the following items will surely win you a bigggggg hug: E-GIFT CARDS sent to my Protonmail email address: Amazon (US only) Southwest Nordstrom Ulta or Sephora Texas de Brazil iTunes Not E-Gift Cards: Amazon Nordstrom Trader Joe's or Whole Foods gift cards Vanilla Visa Gift Cards (YASSSS, please!) Ski Season Trifecta: Chevron, Mountain Collective Pass, gift cards Nike Golf Dragon Alliance NFX goggles (Jet Green + Yellow Blue Ion) 6mm Wetsuit in S/M Add to my humble collection: One ounce solid gold coins My very own Dothraki army and a couple of dragons 😜 *Please do not substitute gifts/cards for Tribute.

Question: What can I do to ensure we both have a great time together? Answer: Pre-Date: Common courtesy goes a long way. Please introduce yourself and provide as many (relevant) details regarding our date as possible. I often get booked for extended dates weeks in advance. Pre-booking enables me to schedule my commitments around YOU, whenever possible. During Our Date: Brushed teeth, trimmed nails, and freshly showered bodies are strong aphrodisiacs. Kindly prep shortly BEFORE my arrival. Please do not wait until we are together to mention "Well, I showered 10 hrs ago!" because I do tend to spray surfaces I find icky with Lysol... By treating our date with as much care and consideration as you give your "normal" dates, our short story will have a greater chance of culminating in a mutually enjoyable ending. Question: Are your rates negotiable? Answer: I've kept the same rates since 2005 (up to Dinner Date) and only eliminated my $500 per hour rate (too short), even as the costs of living and advertising have increased exponentially, often $1000 per mo for one base ad. I'm very generous with my time to incentivize my suitors to book extended dates that allow fond memories to be created outside of hotel rooms. I must reiterate: I am a companion and activity partner, not a prolific Horizontal Mambo Instructor. As much as I love to "dance," I'm also a worldly, cultured, and well-rounded social chameleon who can blend in any given environment. If you can't afford a refined companion's rates, please look elsewhere without insulting us by haggling. Question: Can I bring a GoPro? Answer: Only if I can bring a Pitching Wedge to smash it with. ;) Please keep watches, cell phones, or recording devices stashed in drawers. FAQ to be continued...

Please peruse all seven Packages listed under Time & Tribute prior to contacting me. I no longer require 2 References for screening, but still do require real world info from potential suitors/dates. If you believe your real name and valid business and cell number is more important than my safety and peace of mind, kindly seek a less diligent companion. I have been a low volume companion with the same pseudonym for almost 12 yrs and proudly managed to survive without a single review. I have always believed reviews provided proof of illegal activity and took away plausible deniabilty for all involved parties. As reviews have also been used to coerce and manipulate thousands of providers into risky behavior, kindly respect the continuation of my No Reviews Policy... Under Penalty of Castration. If you'd prefer fully encrypted exchanges between us for extra security, please email me at Smooches, Alena

I'd like to thank the Detroit Red Wings for missing the playoffs because this sure beats being in Detroit right now!